SWEET & SOUR

SWEET & SOUR

SUGARDADDY AND SUGARBABY RELATIONSHIP

By Cynthia Dyson

It’s just another day waking up to the grind, I stumble downstairs to fix my morning energy elixir, coffee. Plopping the coffee pod into my trusty Keurig coffee maker, I head over to my home office and tap a key to boot up my computer while listening to the sweet sound of the drip into my coffee cup. Mug in hand, I take a seat in front of my computer, as I fumble through my mail, I multitask by reading emails while sipping on my energy boost. I pause for a moment from the screen and turn my chair to face the window, as I watch the birds fly by, my thoughts shift to the Zoom meeting I had earlier in the week with our Editor-in-Chief, you see, I had been tasked with writing about a lifestyle that is familiar to me, one that I no longer engage in but am reminded of every time I open a new bill. I did protest a bit, as this very subject had been covered in a previous interview with a self-professed sugar baby by our managing editor, as I continued my gaze outside my window, staring at the beauty of the trees those memories came creeping back in to block my view.

I won’t say that I was young when I decided to embark on a journey that led me to a destination that I did not intend to go to, but I will say that I was old enough to know not to go. I placed my profile on a sugardaddy website, I didn’t know exactly what to write, I mean how does one write about themselves on a website seeking financial help without coming off as desperate, or what pictures to post that would make someone stand out without looking like a porn centerfold, I mean, after all, I was in competition with women who were far younger than me and could play up the immaturity thing that a lot of these men were looking for. However, I decided to go a different route, I put my actual age, used my skills in writing when I wrote my bio, and played up the intelligence to see if I could meet someone who was interested in meeting a mature woman. I was playing with fire, I didn’t realize it at the time, I thought I would meet a man who was willing to pay for my affection and attention, and I, in turn, could pay off my bills, but I wasn’t prepared for the burn that happened when I did.

Image courtesy of Pexels | Photographer: @rodolfoclix

I was losing hope that I would be contacted with an offer, or as these men like to call it “an arrangement”. My bills were piling up, and I was getting desperate, I can recall looking at my bank statement, and wishing the $2.75 in my account was actually $275. I did have a bit of comic relief in the messages that I received. Ohhh, the messages, how fun it was to read them, and looking back I still get a good laugh. One of the most memorable messages I received was an offer of $5000 dollars a month allowance and in return, we would meet twice a month for a bit of sexual fun. Now, here’s where it gets interesting, he wrote that he wanted to meet me at a high-end hotel and asked to sample my goods to see if we were sexually compatible, and if we enjoyed each other, then the next visit would net me the coveted $5000. I wrote back: “ha, ha, ha, how desperate and naive do you think I am? You will get what you want, then tell me we weren’t compatible sexually, and I will go home broke with wet panties and nothing to show for it. So, please go and play your little game with someone else.” I needed to get out of my place, so I drove to my favorite spot, sat in the parking lot, and bowed my head in shame. I was in a dark place, and I just needed to see a light of hope. I got home, checked my messages, and wouldn’t you know I received a message. This message was unlike the others, he was much older, and wrote intelligently, I could tell just based on his message to me that we were going to get along. We engaged in the back-in-forth of witty message exchanges, and before long he asked to meet me in person, and I eagerly and happily said yes. He set up the date, place, and time, I was so nervous, thinking he would not like me because I wasn’t some hot, young barely legal woman. But, to my surprise, we hit it off, we laughed a lot, traded sarcastic banter, and he even paid for my meal and valet parking.

Image courtesy of Pexels | @ferdinandstudio

I drove away feeling confident that this man would help me get from under this heavy financial rock that was weighing me down. He called me as I was driving back home from our meet and greet, he said he was ready to take the next step which was sexual, and I recalled thinking I hope he is not into anything over the top freaky because I didn’t want to demean myself any further than I already had by doing this whole arrangement thing. He set the amount that I was to receive monthly at $2500, and we would meet 3 times a month. The day arrived, I drove up to a very lovely hotel, nervous and scared, but I found the courage to knock on the door. He opened it, I entered feeling relieved that he wasn’t naked waiting for me to just get right to it. We made small talk before we got down to business so to speak. We did the usual, a bit of foreplay, and then safe sex. Oh, how happy I was that he did not ask me to do anything that I would have said no to, and our sex was the normal kind if you can call it that. He gave me an envelope, I looked inside, and there they were twenty-five hundred crisp dollar bills. He asked if I were hungry, I replied yes, and he took me to a really nice restaurant for dinner. In some strange way, this felt normal to me, I thought that I would just give myself sexually, and make off with the money. Being with him didn’t feel like prostitution, in truth, it felt like an actual relationship. Conversation, sex, and dinner, these things were the normalcy of the relationship, and perhaps I needed this to feel normal so that I didn’t feel like I was selling my body, and being with him made me feel like I was his lady. I guess one could say that I was in my “feels” with him. How sweet our union was, I could afford my bills, and he bought me gifts too. I didn’t have to wait for a holiday or my birthday, he would just take me into various stores on our visits, ask if I wanted anything, and would buy things for me on the spot. I knew he was married, he explained that his wife was doing the same thing as he and that I shouldn’t feel guilty about our get-togethers. So, we carried on as if we were in a relationship.

Image courtesy of Unsplash | Photographer: @gbeaudry

The sweetness of it all lasted for about a month, then the bitterness touched me, and left me with a proverbial sour taste in my mouth. He began demanding more time than agreed on, he could be verbally nasty when he didn’t get his way, and then the threats of cutting me off if I did not give in to his demands. I found myself apologizing for things that would have made me end a relationship, changing my ways to suit his needs, and begging when he threatened to end it. I was at his mercy, and I hated what I had become for the sake of the almighty dollars that he gave.

Image courtesy of Unsplash | Photographer: @polinatankilevitch

I remember lying in my bed, seeing his text messages, and covering my eyes to pretend for a brief moment that he didn’t exist. I knew what was coming, and had a pep talk with my emotions, and answered with a pretend happiness reply. I watched YouTube videos exposing women doing the most degrading and humiliating things for money, and in some of those cases doing the most downright disgusting things. These women were flown to exotic locations for the purpose of being watched doing those things that would turn most people’s stomachs, all for a load of cash. I saw these videos, and it made me sick, but somehow glad that I would never do the things that these women have done in order to keep myself from being homeless. I sat awake late one night and began having this deep conversation with myself, I asked myself one question “do you love yourself enough to keep doing this?” I struggled to answer, but something wonderful happened the next day, he called and said that he had to end our little arrangement, because his wife found out about the money he was giving me every month. I knew that I didn’t have the strength or the courage to end it, but was so glad that he did. I was soon given an offer of employment that paid well enough for me to stay afloat, and I could turn this page of my story and not look back.

The bell of freedom rang loud in my head, I was free from the pretending, free from the need, free from the hurt, free from the demands, and free to make my own decisions about where I wanted to go for the day. I didn’t have to rely on his money anymore and to have that type of freedom is something money couldn’t buy. I enjoyed our time together, he wasn’t all bad, but when he was bad he was the worst. I wake up every day with a purpose, a goal, a determination to succeed financially where I previously failed, and a hope that I don’t have to go to that dark place ever again.

Image courtesy of Unsplash | Photographer: @brucemars

In conclusion, I am not one to dole out advice, as I do not walk in perfection, nor will I ever judge a woman or man who indulges in this lifestyle, I believe to each his or her own. I know that there are many other ways people make money without going into a job that they don’t like, (cough, OnlyFans), but ask yourself, how much are you worth? If you fly to a destination and are asked to do things that cause you nightmares and make you sick to your stomach, ask yourself if that handbag, trip, and cash are worth what you will be stuck with after it’s over for the remainder of your life? I hope that whatever decisions you make are right for your soul.

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IMAGES COURTESY OF UNSPLASH & Pexels | IMAGE PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Gabriel Beaudry, bruce mars, Ferdinand studios, Broderick Armbrister, Rodolfo Clix, and polina tankilevitch

Images are used for illustration purposes only.

Image photographers and Unsplash are not affiliated with and do not endorse DHMICON.COM, its writers, or blogs.