HANDS OFF
HANDS-OFF
An Exploration of Male Domestic Violence
By William Forres
Whether you are team Johnny Depp or team Amber Heard, there is no denying that domestic violence happens, and it affects both men and women negatively. Male domestic violence has always lurked in the shadows, you very rarely if ever hear about it, especially in the media, but with the latest courtroom showdown between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, male domestic violence is creeping into the light.
Image courtesy of Google Images | Johnny Depp & Amber Heard
I suffered from physical assaults in my previous relationship, when she would lash out, I just did what my mom taught me, and that was to leave her alone, and untouched. The straw that broke for me was when I asked her to pass me the remote so I could change the channel, I guess she didn’t like the way I asked for it, so she threw it, and hit me straight on the side of my head. I was so angry that I almost straight up hit her, but I got up to leave, as I was leaving she began yelling and calling me names. She called me a bitch-ass n*&%ga, a cry baby, and then began telling me that it didn’t hurt and that I was a punk. I grabbed my stuff and drove off with her in my rearview still talking her crap. I drove to my boy’s house and I told him what happened, he started laughing and saying watch her crazy ass was going to call me and start apologizing and begging me to come back, and he was right because no less than 30 minutes after I left she was blowing up my phone with calls and text messages. She was crying, saying sorry, and telling me that she didn’t mean any of the names she called me. I ignored her calls and texts, that was until she showed up at my house one night, wearing something sexy, and telling me that I can’t quit her and that we need to talk this through. I told her that I took a lot of her physical attacks and verbal insults and that I was done. She started crying again, threw herself on the ground, and began yelling for me to take her back. I told her that she needed to go home and that we were done. The phone calls and text messages were still coming through, and then the threats to assault any new woman I start seeing.
Statistically Speaking
Much like every else, I would catch up on Johnny Depp and Amber Heard's trial, and I was rooting for Johnny Depp not because he is a man or the fact that I like his movies, but due to him suffering abuse and no one believing him. I thought, damn even Johnny Depp isn’t believed, so how uncommon is it for men to be abused? I could count myself, my uncle, and even Al Green, but I really was curious what the statistics said. According to the CDC, nearly 56% of men who were victims of contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner first experienced these and other forms of violence by that partner before age 25, and according to NCADV 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner, and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence (e.g. beating, burning, stranglings) by an intimate partner in their lifetime. I do caution that those numbers are hard to confirm for a number of reasons, one reason mainly has to do with male victims not reporting their abuse out of feeling shame that they weren’t man enough to stop it from happening.
Image courtesy of Pexels | Photographer: Mart Productions
My current girl is chill, we have our arguments, but none of them have turned physical. I like that she talks about her issues with me, and when I have issues with her I don’t have to duck or move to prevent being hit by flying objects.
I needed some family time, so I went over to my uncle’s house, we talked about family stuff mainly, and he asked me how I was doing, and I told him that I was good. He then asked me about my ex, I didn’t tell him that we had broken up, I told him that the relationship was over, he asked me why, and I didn’t have the courage to tell him the truth, so I just told him it was time for me to move on. He started playing some music as we swept up his garage, then he started playing some old-school jams, he played this song by The Stylistics, the song titled Breakup To Make Up, and then he told me the story of how he suffered abuse at the hands of his ex-lady when this song came out, and then he told me that the singer Al Green did too. I was like, yo, that’s crazy, not Al Green, and he told me the story of what happened to him. Back in 1974, Al Green’s ex-girlfriend broke into his home early one morning, he was showering, she threw hot grits down his back, she then went into his bedroom, took his gun, and killed herself. He told me that men back in his day didn’t hit women, we just let them do whatever it is they wanted to do, like hit, throw things, curse us out, and that it was just a tantrum, and to suck it up. I told him well some things never change because my ex-girlfriend used to do abusive things to me too.
Image courtesy of Pexels | Photographer: Alena Darmel
THE LESSON ENDS WITH THIS…
Image courtesy of Unsplash | Photographer: @heftiba
I learned a lot about different forms of abuse from my uncle, statistics, and Johnny Depp, but what I also learned is that I didn’t have to suffer it in silence. There were a lot of things in the Depp v. Heard trial that would’ve made me second guess suing her, because her attorneys brought up a lot of stuff that Johnny, I am sure, didn’t want the world to know about. I am glad that he had the courage to do it, he stuck to his truth and won big because of it. I know women suffer more abuse than men, I am not saying that all women shouldn’t be believed, because let’s face it men can be downright violent towards women. Whether it be physical violence, murder, or a combination of both, women suffer too. I know I would be in prison if I found out any man laid a hand on my mother, sisters, aunts, and/or cousins, but men need protection too.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship whether you are a man or woman, there is help out there you can contact The Domestic Abuse Helpline anywhere in the US and Canada, 24/7 at 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754, National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 24/7
IMAGES COURTESY OF UNSPLASH & GOOGLE IMAGES |
IMAGE PHOTOGRAPHERS:
ALENA DARMEL, HEF TIBA, MART PRODUCTIONS, AND KIERA BURTON
Contributing Writer: Willam Forres
Managing Editor: DI MARCO
Images are used for illustration purposes only
Celebrities mentioned in the article are not affiliated with and do not endorse DHMICON.COM, its writers, or blogs.
Photographers and Google and their affiliates are not an endorsement of DHIMICON.COM, its writers, articles, or blogs.
An accomplished photographer and writer in the fashion industry for over 20 years, Di Marco has created works for some of the most popular and well-known fashion houses domestically and internationally.
