JUST BE

UNLOCKING SELF ACCEPTANCE

By Michaela Rafferty

I was up late one night with a bowl of popcorn in my lap, and not much else to do on a Saturday night except scroll the endless amount of channels on my television, when I landed on a replay of the Original Queens of Comedy. I needed a good laugh after the week I had, so I snuggled with the bowl, and decided to watch it. The queens consisted of Adele Givens, Laura Hayes, Sommore, and Mo’Nique, and these ladies had me laughing all the way through the show. They each touched on relationships, children, men, and of course body image, and these were topics that women everywhere could relate to. Well, the comedy show ended, and it was time to hit the sheets, but as I lay in bed trying to let the sleep overtake me, I couldn’t help but think about a part of Sommore’s stand-up routine, it was funny, but there was a lot of truth to what she said.

Image courtesy of Unsplash | Photographer: @rominafa

I don’t want to spoil it for my readers, so I’m issuing a spoiler alert for this one part of her standup. Without giving too much away, I will share the part that had me lying awake. She talked about self-confidence and how there’s this one child’s toy that mothers give to their daughters to help them build self-confidence, and that toy is a hula hoop. Now, after dissecting the joke, I realized that she was right, she talks about how at first the girl is awkward with it, she can’t get it to continue in a circular motion around her waist, but after a while and with much practice she can swivel her hips and the hula hoop continues to move and makes a shoosh, shoosh sound because it contains bead inside, so as the hula-hoop goes around you hear that sound. The girl in the story gets so good with it that she can hopscotch with it around her ankle, and her friend from across the street is yelling for her to put it around her neck and make it move. Sommore closes her performance with words of encouragement by saying “the next time you walk in front of your mirror naked, I want you to wink one and say shoosh, shoosh” as she moves her hips to mimic the circular motion of the hula hoop and the noise the hoop when it’s in motion.

Image courtesy of Unsplash | Photographer: @billvive

LETTING YOUR BODY BE WHAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE

I got up, turned on my laptop, and began to write, but during the week I became preoccupied with other projects and work that I didn’t touch my article until I was on my social media and saw a video of a woman talking about wanting to look like a certain celebrity. I then remembered my article and got to writing again. What does it mean to be confident in one’s self? When did we begin relying on likes and comments for body image approval? When is okay to just let our bodies be? These questions aren’t life mysteries to be unlocked and answered using some special type of equation or formula, internal answers lie beneath the external of our being. I have never wanted to look like another woman whether famous or not, I have wanted her clothes, car, lifestyle, and even her relationship, but never wanted to change my appearance. I was taught early in my youth to accept myself the way God made me, and that I am beautiful, but I do have moments from time to time when I don’t feel as beautiful as I was taught to believe, and I question my look by thinking my body needs more definition when looking at in the mirror. Being mindful of the body is a trait most people lack, and I am still a work in progress on this behavior as it relates to how I see myself through my own lenses. Ads and media can give us false perceptions of ourselves in that we are constantly challenging our own standard of beauty based on images showing the latest products on women who have a team of people working on them to make them look the part of what’s being sold. Letting our bodies be what it wants to be is a gift that we share with our inner self, and letting go of the fear that our look isn’t good enough is a truly wonderful thing to be able to do without regrets.

Image courtesy of Unsplash | Photographer: @berlinboudoir

WHEN ALL IS SAID, MORE NEEDS TO BE DONE

We are more than the sum of our parts, is a great quote from Aristotle, when all of our parts are viewed together then we become better than what we perceive of ourselves, and that includes stretch marks, blemishes, cellulite, scars, and all of the rest of it. Our bodies carry amazing energies, these energies seek to create a balance of willpower and self-acceptance. The willpower to overcome the negative thoughts we hold so that self-acceptance can energize our bodies and create a visual barrier blocking out the expectations that we hold ourselves to every time we see an image of a woman we think to aspire to be like. We rely on mirrors and scales as body directional tools to show us where we are going wrong, I mean how many times do you look at yourself in the mirror per day? We use mirrors for more than just washing our faces and brushing our teeth, we use them to apply makeup and when we dress, and if something is off then we use that mirror to show us what needs to be fixed. Either, changing our makeup or outfit, where the fat is that needs to come off, or even how to pose for that perfect selfie. Scales show us the up and down direction of our bodies, we use the scale to tell us what we should be doing with our weight if you we need to take some off or put some on. I once saw a cute picture of two little girls, they were in front of a scale, so the first girl tells the second “don’t step on it, it makes you cry”. Funny, right? There is always a bit of truth in humor, so scales are a constant reminder of how you could be doing or how well you have done, and if the scale shows you must lose more weight, then I will hand you some tissues. In these instances, you have so much to say to yourself, but you feel more needs to be done.

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HERE IS YOUR KEY, WELCOME TO YOU!

Your body acceptance is never really locked away from you, there are many keys to try in the proverbial body lock. Sometimes we try keys that don’t fit, other times the key fits, but we don’t like what's behind the door, so we continue trying to open other body doors until we find the right key that fits our right body. I am by no means saying that you shouldn’t diet, undergo plastic surgeries (check out our article on Make Me Beautiful), or make changes to your wardrobe, these are all things that can have a positive effect on your body and mind, what I am saying is evaluate why these types of changes are necessary for you, and will it guarantee you everlasting happiness in the long term. Eating right has a positive effect on your body because when you eat healthily this allows you the freedom to purchase clothes that you once thought were impossible to fit into, helps you maintain good health, and just makes you feel good all around. Then there are the types of plastic surgeries, going under the knife can alter the way you see your true self, and these surgeries can have a positive impact on your mind because they can give you the self-confidence to enter a room without fear of the dreaded whispers and finger-pointing which can cause you to be filled with anxiety and depression. We have so many expectations from our bodies when we constantly change our view of them, it is my hope that you expect only good things from your body through self-acceptance but most importantly self-love when you allow your body to just be.

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IMAGES COURTESY OF UNSPLASH | PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Monica Kozub, Romina Faris, and Alessio Billeci

Images are used for illustration purposes only.

Image photographers and Unsplash are not affiliated with and do not endorse DHMICON.COM, its writers, or blogs.